Friday afternoons I have a standing date to pick up my Darling Daughter 1 (DD1) from kindergarten. I have come to rely on this weekly ritual as an important opportunity to check in with my daughter's teacher and to connect with the other kindergarten parents. During these Friday afternoons on the playground, I have learned about how to best combat lice, what kind of candy is preferred among my daughter and her peers, and the names of younger siblings. Most importantly, this time on the playground has allowed me to observe my DD1's budding friendship with her new best friend (NBF), a kindergartener in another class at school.
Her new best friend is a lovely young girl -- energetic, playful, and cheerful with a beautiful smile. It so happens that my DD1's NBF has a younger sister who is the same age as my younger daughter, so our shared afternoons on the playground are pleasurable for both of my girls and me, for I have also enjoyed getting to know the mother of my daughter's NBF. I noticed my new mother comrade (NMC) in the second month of school because she often arrived in the afternoons with a ball of some sort or a jump rope, and she was also noticeably friendly with the other mothers on the playground. I noticed, too, that she often gathered the children round her on Fridays to distribute an end-of-the-week treat -- candy, or cookies, or lollipops. I have been impressed by the warmth that is displayed between my NMC and her daughters, and level of engagement she demonstrates with the cluster of kindergarten children on the playground after school.
My NMC emigrated from East Africa to the United States ten or so years ago and joined her husband in Maryland. They live a block away from the elementary school and are well connected to their cultural community as well as the members of their Coptic church congregation. At home and on the playground, my NMC and her husband speak both English and their native language with each other and with their community associates. Their primary community in Maryland is comprised, perhaps not surprisingly, of those who have also transplanted themselves to the United States and who share their native language, religion, and customs.
As an educator who believes that it is important for each rising generation of American children to have the opportunity to interact with a heterogeneous group of students in our public schools, I am really glad that by attending our local, public elementary school my DD1 gets to become acquainted with such a diverse array of peers. What a tremendous opportunity to become "educated" about the rich complexity of human society and to learn first hand how much she has in common with those who are also different from her.
However, as a parent, I am learning that by selecting a NBF whose family is, in essence, worlds apart from ours, it is not clear how my DD1 or I can bridge the distance between our two families. My daughter does not really understand why, despite the genuine friendliness of her NBF's mother and sisters and the easy exchange we've developed on the playground, her NBF can't come over to play at our house after school or on the weekends. Nor does it make sense to her why her NBF can't join her soccer team, take dance class, or sign up for summer camp with her. My questions are similar: How can I make overtures of friendliness and express interest in getting to know my NMC and her daughters without becoming too pushy or intrusive? How can I best support my daughter in growing this friendship with her NBF without inserting myself unnecessarily? Or is it best to simply let my daughter and her NBF find their own way, come what may?
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